Pull Up A Chair

Let’s get cozy.

I created this space for my extended hair family, including kids, teens, parents my beloved teachers, artists, & LGBTQIA+ community & allies, as a place to celebrate, share, and support each other.

If you’re here, you probably already know, I am a proud member of the Strands for Trans registry. I am a mental health care advocate. And I have a Transmasculine son who is my everything! Well, pretty much, I do love my dog, some other people, green/blue open spaces, my career, music and art… I digress.

blossoming flowers in vase on table in house

What you may not know, although I’m not shy about it, is that I have severe ADHD. (If you get the last two jokes, you probably do too!) ADHD is not a bad thing, by itself. IT JUST IS.

ADHD can actually be my super power, at times. I’m addicted to learning and I love researching. I also love spreadsheets, and mind mapping, provided they are esthetically pleasing. INPUT is my #1 strength, Briggs Meyers Type. I am really good at problem solving. And highly sensitive to those around me. And I’ve learned to channel my oversharing tendencies into educating, and mentoring.

ADHD + trans son’s needs + growing LGBTQIA+ family + that “need to do more to help or I will lose it” feeling = community and resource pages

Masking to fit in, and not receiving a proper diagnosis by an understanding provider, for 50, white knuckle years, was exhausting, defeating, depressing, and anxiety inducing. It effected every aspect of my life. At my lowest point of feeling broken and unfixable, I attempted suicide. The risk of breaking my grandmother’s heart was enough for me to endure, long enough for things to get better.

I had no words for what I was going through, until I spoke with a friend who recognized my symptoms, which paralleled her own recently diagnosed ADHD. Finally being able to get a proper diagnosis, was a revelation! Medication and coaching were life changing. I’m so glad 14 year old me survived, lived to love, travel a bit, have an amazing life, and kid, and make it to the golden age of giving very few shits. Hello menopause!

group of people standing on stairs
Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Granted, my ADHD does not limit my safe travel, and I don’t know of anyone who cares if I have access to my, life changing, meds. Books on ADHD aren’t banned in schools. That would be absurd.

As a lifelong, proud, third generation, ally, and a mom with a trans son, it’s hard not to go into ferocious mama bear mode, and start lashing out at the cruel world, when my child’s, and by extension all “kids”, well-being is threatened, and his/their needs aren’t being met. Who is that serving though?

I am grateful I came from some smart, feisty, “difficult” women, allies down to the bone. I appreciate that my son knows his friends are all welcome in our home, and the friends know their names, and pronouns will always be honored.

I have welcomed all kind humans in my chair, my entire 35 year career, and have been trusted by a great number of trans, non-binary, gender-queer, two spirit people of all ages. It is such a privilege to be able to help people feel good, and heal in the most profound way.

blue and orange light projeced on left hand of person

I will never forget the moment I saw my son glowing with gender euphoria after he got fitted in men’s wear for the first time, which came after the haircut. It was bittersweet, I was so happy to see him feel good for the first time in a long while, and also deeply saddened seeing, and feeling how miserable he had been. A painful reminder that, though I may accept him, I can not protect him from what happens outside our apartment.

I will also never forget the day I asked my coworker for a tampon and she burst into tears. I apologized, I’d forgotten she was transgender. She said they were tears of joy, that’s all she’d ever wanted, her whole life. I recognize now what I witnessed that day, as we happy cried together. She shared with me stories from her life, the difficulties, the love she finally found, and I never forgot them.

In 2000, I met Amanda Lapore and Sophia Lamar out and about Clubbing when I did that sort if thing. They had just won the “Right to Work” lawsuit that changed NYS law. Sophia and Amanda had been fired from a club after a cis male patron complained to management, he felt he had been duped by fake women. The NYS Supreme Court Judge that presided over their case met with them, determined they were women, and changed NYS law. I listened to their stories, and I never forgot.

Too many people fought too hard and suffered too long. This empath mom is completely overwhelmed by the collective grief, and fear, the entire LGTBQIA+ community is experiencing. I have to do more to support my cherished friends, and family, or I’ll go mad sitting on the sidelines.

My monkey brain has been keeping me up at night, it needs a purpose. I can’t think of a better way right now than to take all that information that’s been swirling around my head, and share it with anyone in my reach who needs it.

So I’m offering up my support on a pretty plate of treats, baked with love, and a big pot of T.
baked cookies on table

To start I’ve added resource pages, including styling tutorials, some of my favorite small businesses, gender expansive apparel brands, places to go for mental, gender and reproductive healthcare, banned books, and interesting things happening around the city.

I would like to invite members to help grow this space in a way that is supportive, and positive.

Ultimately, I feel like we all need more ease, joy, wins, and support.

Pull up a chaiR

(Free) Membership is required so I can keep the comments “open” to expand the database, and be able to safely monitor the space.

*I will never share your information. Privacy and safety 1st.

*I never post anything about my son without his editorial approval.

green toned photo of a woman posing with a vintage chair and plants in background